What makes Jon and Kate Plus Eight so fascinating to us is the conflict in their marriage. We wonder out loud, “How could Kate be so nasty to Jon? She’s so bossy!” and then, “Jon comes home and acts just like one of the kids. He should really be helping Kate out with the chores.” On one level, Jon and Kate allow us to avoid problems and conflicts in our own marriage. You know what I’m talking about: At least we are not like them. Fortunately, our problems are not as bad as their problems. Wait, my wife just told me to do the dishes . . .

Anyway, about "reality television." The assumption is that reality television gives us a glimpse into how people “really are.” I'm sure there is partial truth in that assumption. I'm sure that Jon can be a bit childish and Kate can be a bit overbearing. The conflicts that arise from those aspects of their personalities are what we love about the show. We, the viewers, desire more and greater conflicts, and they give us what we want. They act more childish and more overbearing, which causes increasing conflict on the show - all so that we will tune in each week to see what they will fight over next.

Here's the problem for Jon and Kate: Arguing and fighting on the show couldn't be contained to when the cameras were rolling. It has spilled into the real reality of their off camera lives. During the last few months, we’ve heard about their serious marital problems. I hope Jon and Kate will take responsibility for those problems and move forward together.

Now, here's the problem for us: Our desire to see conflict in the lives of others can't be contained to just a reality show. Our desire to see others in conflict spills over into our lives. We like to see conflict because someone will win. Winning a conflict provides a temporary rush, so we seek more conflicts. Winning a conflict makes us feel good about ourselves, but as we see with Jon and Kate, it is disastrous to a relationship.

The way forward for Jon and Kate is to walk through the narrow and often painful gate of honesty and forgiveness. Hopefully they can pass that gate together, and we, the viewers, can walk with them.