[vc_row el_class=”olive-branch-bg-r”][vc_column][vc_column_text]Nothing can feel more desirable yet more impossible to attain than lifelong love. Finding someone you can trust to love you unconditionally is a natural desire. A love you can share with just one other person is the fulfillment of our longing to rest assuredly in another\u2019s embrace.<\/p>\n

That longing appears in the first pages of the bible. In chapter two of the book called Genesis we are told that God was so moved by Adam\u2019s loneliness that God stepped in as a sort of divine match maker (Genesis 2:18). Many people interpret the Creation story about Adam and Eve moralistically to defend marriage between a man and a woman or to justify keeping women in roles subservient to men. Let\u2019s not do that here!<\/p>\n

Instead, let\u2019s mine the Creation story for insights into human desire. We are not as lucky as Adam who had a soulmate fashioned by God exactly for him, someone who was hard to overlook since she was the only woman in Eden at the time! For better or worse, humanity was fruitful and multiplied, so much so that it is harder than ever to find our soulmate from amid the myriad possibilities we are presented with today.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_section el_class=”post-quote”][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1566306295282{background-image: url(https:\/\/ravenfoundation.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/0c0caab3a0b06f49d1f4e4069f7acecc-e1562958862845.jpg?id=19638) !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text css_animation=”none” el_class=”quote”]<\/p>\n

Love is the context in which one can be fully, authentically oneself, stripped of all masks and pretenses.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][\/vc_section][vc_section][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Naked and Unashamed<\/h3>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]There is one gigantic clue at the end of Genesis 2 that can help us in our search for love. It\u2019s this verse: \u201cAnd the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.\u201d Please don\u2019t take this literally! It is not biblical advice to become a nudist or to glory in posting naked selfies. Nakedness as a device to prove how proud you are is not a prescription for lifelong love.[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”2\/3″][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_single_image image=”20257″ img_size=”full”][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/3″][vc_empty_space][vc_column_text]In the story of God\u2019s love for Adam and Adam\u2019s longing for a soulmate, nakedness is a symbol of vulnerability. Love is the context in which one can be fully, authentically oneself, stripped of all masks and pretenses. But it is also true that one of the conditions for love is \u2013 you guessed it \u2013 vulnerability. It\u2019s a feedback loop that one can only enter into by risking rejection.<\/p>\n

In the swipe left era, rejections are part of the game and they are based on our carefully curated profiles.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]Not on who we are<\/em> but on how we have presented ourselves via an image, small bio and a list of interests. But that\u2019s not really risking rejection \u2013 it\u2019s doing everything we can to pretend that we don\u2019t care if we are rejected or not.<\/p>\n

What is becoming more and more obvious is that a posture of indifference<\/em> is what will generate the right swipe. In other words, we put our best self forward, a self that appears whole, who has everything together, and is not needy in the least. No one likes needy \u2013 it never shows up in bios![\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Feigning Indifference<\/strong><\/h3>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]This is nothing new. Online dating has only brought this dynamic into sharp relief so that it is harder and harder to ignore. Here\u2019s a story from the pre-dating app era that illustrates what I\u2019m talking about.[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]When I was a freshman in college, two really good-looking guys wandered into our dorm and found their way to my hallway. Someone invited them into her room and it wasn\u2019t long before the word spread and at least a dozen of us had gathered to gawk at these specimens of masculine hunkiness all with the hope that we would stand out from the crowd and win a date with one of them.<\/p>\n

As I sat there I realized that I had one chance and one chance only to draw attention to myself, and that was to get up and walk out without a word. Which is what I did and within an hour one of them called me for a date. We went out for a few weeks before he dumped me. Quickly his friend asked me out and we dated for a few months before he dumped me too.[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]My relationships didn\u2019t last because I never found a way to move from indifference to vulnerability. Why? I didn\u2019t realize that that was what I should be doing. Our society places a great deal of emphasis on independence and idolizes the completely autonomous individual. I truly believed that I would be more attractive if I hid my need for love behind a fa\u00e7ade of invulnerability. I was wrong.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_single_image image=”20258″ img_size=”large”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1566393555121{background-color: #f6ebdf !important;}” el_class=”optin”][vc_column][vc_column_text css_animation=”none”][\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][\/vc_section][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Getting to Vulnerable<\/strong><\/h3>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][vc_column_text]There are no shortcuts to vulnerability. That\u2019s because vulnerability requires trust and trust takes time. The short profiles and snap judgments of dating apps are not fertile ground for trust. I strongly advise against oversharing in your profiles. The risks are too great.[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_empty_space height=”48px”][vc_single_image image=”20259″ img_size=”large”][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]Jesus issues a warning about those risks in Matthew\u2019s Gospel. It comes in the midst of the Sermon on the Mount, a collection of Jesus\u2019 teaching:<\/p>\n

Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.<\/em> (Matt 7:6)<\/p>\n

It sounds for all the world like a prediction of the cruelty and mercilessness of online bullying, call out and cancel cultures, doesn\u2019t it? But like I said, all this is as old as human desire.<\/p>\n

So here are some things to consider if you would like to cultivate an environment in which lifelong love is possible:<\/p>\n

\n
• Do not overshare<\/em>. Large, public, and impersonal environments like dating sites too easily encourage snap judgments and thoughtless rejections. Be wise about what you share and remember that trust takes time and personal connections.<\/li>\n
• Go slow<\/em>. If you feel ashamed after literally or figuratively being naked before someone, it was too soon. Learn from that feeling so that next time you have the courage to go a bit slower until trust has been established.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

  [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_empty_space height=”16px”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row el_class=”olive-branch-bg-l”][vc_column][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

  \n
  • Love your need for love<\/em>. Needing and desiring love is nothing to be ashamed of. In\u00a0fact, it\u2019s divine.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Genesis tells us that humanity was made in God\u2019s image and here\u2019s the kicker \u2013 God is a very needy divinity! Just as Eve was fashioned to satisfy Adam\u2019s longing, we are the object of God\u2019s longing, so Genesis tells us. So go ahead and put your best foot forward in those dating profiles, but don\u2019t lose sight of the things that make for love.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    In a swipe-right world, is it possible to find lifelong love? Suzanne Ross shares what the Bible has to say and shares three tips on how to be more authentic and vulnerable. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":20252,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4328,4294],"tags":[974,4351,4353,714,1021,4352],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n